WordPress Blues

Well I stepped in some shit,
With holes in my shoes,
An’ I didn’t even care,
Cos I got the Wordpress Blues.

My dog up and croaked,
But mister, there’s worse news,
It stripped out all my <p> tags,
Lord, spare me the Wordpress Blues.

’Ere’s rain coming through the ceiling,
& smoke coming out the flues,
Someone hardcoded ’ese goddamned ID’s,
Sir, I got the WordPress Blues.

Feb 16, 2013 under Blues, under Poetry Cornered

Internet Explorer Blues

Internet Explorer,
You're making my head sorer,
From all the damage to my layout
That you do…

Internet Explorer,
I tremble at the horror,
That z-planing looks like something
I stepped in with my shoe…

Internet Explorer,
That's output from a corn-borer,
I hit the refresh a hundred,
A thousand times…

Internet Explorer,
Be grateful I'm no juror,
Your margins and floats are
As elegant as my rhymes…

[kazoo solo]

Dec 5, 2012 under Blues, under Poetry Cornered

WordPress Blues

Aw, screw you, WordPress
I did not need this duress
Just upload my goddamned file
That beach ball's been spinning for more than a while.

Jeez, it looks like you got stuck
And I was just about to—FUCK!
Why are you inserting that tag?
Working with you's like bathing in a quag-
Mire. This is dire.

Why is this always such a bloody scrimmage?
All I want is to post this section
I'm certainly losing my—

Oct 18, 2012 under Blues, under Poetry Cornered

WordPress Blues

Ah got me the WordPress Blues, yes ah do, yes ah do…
Cos I woke up this morning, an’ I entered some code…

…But when I saw what you’d done, things did not well bode
You chopped out my <p>, an’ I was too sick to laugh… (that’s a rhyme, foax…)

…Ah was trying to sort, and yew made me ready for le Morte
d’Arthur. Your widgets so tiny, an’ my hand all sweaty an’ shiny…

…You screwed me for the last time, Wordpress, you screwed me for the last time
Til Monday. Blue Monday… (Kazoo solo)…

Sep 22, 2012 under Blues, under Poetry Cornered

A Young Person’s PHP Primer

Once more, with feeling: A is for array, with values and keys; B is for boolean, true or false, don’t tease! C is for constant, defined only once; So you’d better get it right, coz D is for dunce.
May 20, 2012 under Poetry Cornered

Sales Are Off the Charts

(In Tim Cook’s office:)
‘And the man who holds the stock options
Must be the one to start
To injection mould a new reality,
Our sales are off the charts!’

(At RIM World HQ:)
‘The Blackberry and the PlayBook,
Aren’t being added to the carts!
We’re feeling kinda hosed right now,
Our sales are dropping like a dart!’

(At the Googleplex:)
‘Solicitors and Attourneys,
Each must know his part
To cover up the “inspiration”,
Their sales are off the charts… :-(’

Apr 25, 2012 under Rush, under Poetry Cornered

Office 2007

Here I sit, sending myself mail; I pray you, Outlook, please don't fail; You have no margin, your padding, weak; I just want a border, am *I* the freak?…
Sep 30, 2011 under QA Hell, under Poetry Cornered

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Patent Lawsuit

Among twenty snowy mountains,
The only moving thing
Was the fax of the patent lawsuit.

I was of three minds,
Like a blog post
In which there are three patent lawsuits.

The patent lawsuit whirled in the blogosphere.
It was a small part of the pantomime.

An OS and an OEM
Are one.
An OS and an OEM and a patent lawsuit
Are one.

Aug 15, 2011 under Poetry Cornered

I'm Losing My Edge

With apologies to James Murphy.

Yeah, I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge.
The kids are coming up from behind.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids from Twitter and from Google+.
But I was there.
I was there in 1968.
I was there at Doug Englebart's Mother of All Demos.
In San Francisco.
I'm losing my edge.
I'm losing my edge to the kids whose tweets I see when they get on the phones.
I'm losing my edge to the Internet seekers who can tell me every tweet of every good designer from early 2007 to late 2007.
I'm losing my edge.

Jul 26, 2011 under Design, under Poetry Cornered